A wild sentence appears

So the girls homework this week included instruction to use her spelling words in either a short story or a series of sentences. As always she is a girl after my own heart and she wanted to do the least amount of work possible while still technically completing the task as instructed.

After puzzling a while at the table she brings over her rough sheet so I could read what she had done and talk about any corrections before she wrote it out in her homework book. So far so boring typical homework stuff, I will take the boring over the girls annual hissy fit that occurs with the second homework assignment of the school year without fail. It is a spectacular, awe-inspiring and down right terrifying display of tantrum meets amateur dramatics, meets a window to her teenaged future. The sheer amount of noise, snot and tears created risk an ASBO, scrambling the village flood action group and a visit from the Ghostbusters ectoplasm recovery team. The single worst part is when I go to speak to her teacher to explain both why the homework is late and a mess of pulped paper only for the teacher (and we are talking about every single different poor soul who has ever taught my girl) looks at me like I am suffering from delusions. ‘We never see anything like that in class, she is such a hard worker and tries so hard!’ they exclaim while I locate my grip and try to clasp the last tendrils of any sanity as it drifts further out of my reach, both activities being about as successful an endeavour as the girls homework was to complete. Anyway, I digress. Back to the point. I was today presented with this:

I walked next the fence every morning with my Mum. I was certain to cycle over a huge sentence and I had an accident.

Just so, so many questions arising from so few words. Let me just try to work this one out, so while walking you knew with certainty that a bicycle would materialise beneath you along with the lesser seen wild sentence making an appearance. I bet you had an accident kiddo, I bet you did.

While trying to breathe through my laughter and wiping away tears at the picture she had painted, a wonderfully wacky image of sentient words forming together ready to grab onto that bike that was phasing in and out of existence I tried to have the girl explain her thinking on this one. The huge sentence was her somewhat confusing descriptor for words painted on roads like ‘STOP’ and ‘GIVE WAY’ she was however completely unable to explain why she was certain to cycle over it but I think, and this is unconfirmed, but I think she was thinking about failing to give way being the reason for her accident rather than a savage word attack.

Through my tears I suggested she might want to look at it again and be honest with herself in regards to it making any sense whatsoever outside the dreams of a person known for their fondness for licking toads while eating all the mushrooms in the kingdom.

She asked it there was a prize for making Mummy cry laughing. There was. She was hoping for chocolate but was less impressed by being squished in a bear hug by her mother and being told to go and have another go. The final entry to her homework book was lacking in wild sentences but gained more in sense and grammar.

On the other side of the table was the boy. My very sweet boy who view and understanding of the world is very different from most people and he struggles greatly with his additional needs to express himself. He was writing an acrostic poem reflecting on remembrance day for his homework. With surprisingly little help or prompting from me he wrote something that I found quite beautiful.

Poppies grow all around

On the battleground

People died in the wars

Please remember the soldiers

Young and old


On that note I leave it there with me proud and full of love and joy for both boy and girl.

Just take care dear reader when riding your magic bike there are wild and huge sentences just waiting to trip you up when you least expect it.

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It must be Monday morning

Oh yeah sure, a Brownie craft activity to prepare for remembrance Sunday, no worries! She says months ago. In my defence, life happened, allot of life, but good excuse or not I found myself spending this morning hastily creating two examples of poppy themed collaging using all the scraps of felt/fabric/tissue paper/patterned paper etc that has been hanging around for seemingly the whole 100 year history of Brownies, being passed from leader to leader like the shroud of Turin, you know, one of those things that you know could come in handy one day but in the mean time you honestly don’t know quite what to do with it.

Just as I had finished peeling off the last bit of glue that had dried onto my fingertips the delivery van containing my new iphone to abuse pulled up. A quick look at the clock showed the delivery to be right on time and I went to the door. A rather embarrassed looking courier was stood on the path,

‘I’m a minute early’ he says

‘Great’ says I holding out my hands eager to get my hands on something expensive to destroy

‘I can’t deliver it, I’m early’ he says, this also explains the embarrassed look in his eye. We then spent a minute making awkward small talk at the front door until finally his clock changed to 13.23 (yes, it really was that precise, my delivery time was 13.23 to 14.23) and he was able to have me sign and hand over the little package to begin it’s miserable existence.

I then called Vodafone to have my old pay as you go number ported over so I don’t have to get off my backside and change my contact details with the world. A very nice chap who had all the hallmarks of being new to the job utterly confused himself and the system when he inadvertently tried to port a number to itself. The resulting damage to the time space continuum took some time to resolve but all being well I should have the right number attached to the right contract by 4pm tomorrow, that or a black hole will open and the world will end. Could go either way.