Better late

Day 13

So yesterday, when I said I would double post today and fill in on the events of yesterday properly… well, I have slept since then and I have lost all the little details and my brain has reordered little more than was in the placeholder so, I shall leave to all to wonder for ever more. If you want to, you don’t have to or anything, feel free to never think of it again. As you were.

Onto today, the last day of a long, long year that seems to have only begun a week or so ago, it is a wonderful paradox that we all know so well. A year can be so full of so much both good and bad yet over in a flash. This is the way our brains save us from ourselves. I really hope it is most people and not just me otherwise you, my reader, are going to find me even more odd than you do all ready and I am going to have to admit that my life is a never ending chain of denial. I beg of you to just humour me.

First job of the day was to be very grateful for the friend who gave me and the children a lift to go and pick up my keys and Bob from the impromptu cinema sleep (park?) over. When we arrived at Bob we had some news for him. Within the flurry of slightly desperate text messages tinged with shame that followed the realisation of lost keys that enquired if a spare key for Bob was something that was in this realm of existence came the news that our fostering of Bob had been approved for a move to permanence, Bob shall be officially adopted into the family within the next few weeks. This approval may have simply been away to avoid having slightly crazed texts from a mad woman wittering on about keys and a mix up due to the odd reference to orphan Annie. Who knows, who cares, Bob is home.

Today was also the day of my Christmas dinner. I didn’t get one on Christmas day as the Christmas ready meals for one where all sold out and although I had a lovely roast dinner with the Bitch and Progeny on Boxing day a Christmas meal with the Boy and Girl was something the three of us wanted to share. Well they begged for ‘A Mummy roast’ and who could turn down that kind of charm (it is also possible that they asked to roast Mummy, I will just gloss over that possibility). So a week late but who is counting, the three of us sat down to eat far too much food on one plate and watch the Christmas Dr Who special. We had a cracking argument about crackers while our food sat cooling on plates in front of us so it was defiantly and without doubt a Christmas dinner. We scared the life out of daft cat by pulling said crackers and he retaliated by jumping into the Christmas tree and then setting upon LooBoo the Furby (Furby and cat have been engaged in a stand off worthy of a weston movie since the Furby landed on Christmas morning). Defiantly Christmas. The children then made it their life work to give me a headache bigger than my laundry pile until I sent them to bed at the first possibly opportunity. Defiantly Christmas.

So now I have the children tucked in upstairs, daft cat is just about ready to start talks on the level of compensation he requires for his trauma and I am ready to face the new year (or go to bed because I am old, broken and very sleepy). I don’t do new years resolutions. They often seem so definitive and rigid that it is only a matter of time until they are broken. In place of resolutions I do new years promises.

They are often broad and open to interpretation (got to love a good get out plan). I can not know where this next year may lead me or what kind of obstacles I may face so I like to give myself some options and hope for the best. This time last year for example I would not have predicted that by the end of the year I would be a single parent facing a very different type of future and if I have made a new years resolution to stop smoking you can be sure I never would have done so (because I am a contrary cow and happy to fight myself tooth and nail) but my not putting that kind of pressure upon myself I stopped smoking cigarettes in June (surprising myself more than anyone else I think).

So for 2015, what are my new years promises? I hope to remember to think of myself more, to remember that I matter. That I need things for myself and in doing so I am better for my children. I have been building this year on year for some time now and I am really starting to see results in the way I feel about myself and the way I am viewing my life as a separate yet harmonious entity from the lives of my children. I promise to work very, very hard at building my business, to gently push at my physical capabilities in order to earn the best living I can for my children and myself (I haven’t forgotten about the promise of a more detailed post on this subject). I promise to try and be just a little more social, to say yes a little more and use my new found ‘childfree’ evenings to best effect. Finally I promise to continue to champion my children’s needs. To make sure the boy is getting every bit of help and support he requires to allow him to access his education and the wider world to the same level as any other child of his age. To nurture the girls interests and talents, to find every way I can to help her get over her own hurdles. To help her find her way as she leaves young childhood and starts on the difficult road to puberty and all that brings. I guess it comes down to me simply promising to be the best Mum I can be to each of them on any given day. I am far from perfect and I will get it wrong but I hope we can learn from those times and above all have fun and love each other.

Urgh. That was entirely to soppy and ‘lifestyle’ Mummy. I promise I won’t be so vomit inducing for another year, hows that?

Happy new year!

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