All is lost

I have failed as a parent and as a human being.

While getting ready for school this morning, a task not unlike painting the Forth bridge due to the fact that once you have finished straightening, tucking, cleaning and wiping to a presentable level the place you started has once again become dishevelled and snot ridden, anyway, during this task of futility I commented to the boy that his hair was due a cut and he was starting to emulate Justin Bieber. He then uttered the words that no parent ever wants to hear, the crushing blow that tells you all is lost for the future and there is no way back now regardless the fact he has yet to see his 7th birthday.

‘But I want to look like Justin Bieber’

In a final attempt to salvage my son and my own reputation I replied in as calm a tone as I could muster while going for full chipmunk effect

‘But, you would have to sing ‘baby, baby, baby ooowwwww’

The boy started to jump up and down in excitement

‘Yes!’ he squealed and ran off singing baby on a loop. My final bomb had blown up in my face and I am left to contemplate my abject failure.

The fact it will be his teacher not me that has to listen to the boy for the rest of the day is a double edged blade in itself, yes my ears are spared, but his teacher will know.

Looks like I am going to have to fling as much as I can into a bag and catch the first flight out of the country. I shall have to sacrifice the girl by the looks of it, I can’t risk it but given my new status it is probably in her own best interest, I clearly can not protect her from terrible pop music and silly hair styles.

She can go with the boy to the Institute of Silly Hair and Irritating Tones (I.S.H.I.T). I hear they have a very good set up these days, mush better than when my own Mother abandoned me there as a child.


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